All tape is off. Can't see any stitches. Assuming there are stitches. Which means he has to dig to find them. Probably. Can't stop grimacing with extreme distaste for the near future.
1. I couldn't swallow anything. Half of everything went down the wrong pipe. Couldn't cough it up. Choked a lot.
2. Spoke in a whisper.
3. Had a night where my lungs were filled with substance, spent fifteen minutes wheezing through phlegm and trying to get it up. Could not breathe.
4. Loved my nurse Nathan. Have NO idea why.
5. Could never remember nurse Nathan's name.
6. Could not remember whether or not Nathan was even a real name.
7. IV hurt so fucking bad. Had to be stuck three times. First one didn't work. Second hurt. She dug around for blood for two minutes, never got anything. Reduced to tears. Anesthesiologist had to come in and numb me, got the IV in. Was given relaxation meds.
8. Was wheeled into operating room. Placed on operating table. Have literally seconds of memory staring at the ceiling, and that was it.
9. Woke up to a lot of pain. Pain was 8 on scale of 1-10. Was given button of dilaudid that could press every fifteen minutes.
10. Never missed a dose. Had for 24 hours.
11. Nausea. Severe nausea. Sat up to pee, nearly threw up.
12. Used commode for 24 hours. Legs like jelly. Shaking uncontrollably. Zero strength.
13. Boob hung out of hospital gown. Did not care. Did not do anything about it. Someone fixed it. I think.
14. Couldn't open my eyes for 24 hours.
15. Nausea. Severe nausea.
16. Peed every 20 mins second day.
17. Second day: Got tube draining blood from surgery wound yanked out. Received new bandage. Unhooked from IV. Lots and lots of pain. Said fuck a million times. Mom doesn't know I cuss. Cried a lot. In shit ton of pain.
18. Surgeon came in. Clipped blue stitch.
19. Left third day.
20. Car ride bumpy as hell. Had to pull over twice or blowing chunks.
21. Could not walk upstairs. Nearly threw up on the steps. Sister and mom had to carry me up and get me in bed.
Asked my mom to send me this pic she took of me fresh out of surgery. Or maybe it was the next day . . . Anyway, this blue stitch you see, he snipped and pulled out and it hurt like he lit my chest on fire. Internally. I remember just staring at him with these wide eyes and him saying "Do you want to scream?" And I did, really, really, really, really fucking bad, but I didn't. Because I couldn't. I had no voice.
Yesterday me and the bf had our first date night since kind of Goosebumps, which was back in October. Something. And even then our dinner was crashed AND the movie. So that doesn't really count. I'm not counting it. So yesterday was our first date night in forever. Literally. He took me to see Star Wars, which he was seeing for the third time, and we saw it in 3D of course, that's us in the cool glasses. Then we went to go see lights since this was the first year we missed the Botanic Garden Christmas lights in Denver, we've gone three years in a row, and it was as cold as all holy fucks, my nose was red as Rudolph's (lol xmas humor), so we snapped a pic, and got the fuck out of there. Then we went to TCBY but it was closed. So we had the rest of our date in his backseat. Winky face. Then we watched the videos he took of the SSPU concert I missed the day I found out I had cancer. Below is the song we played on repeat because it is bomb diggity. Give it a listen. And fall in love with SSPU like we did.
Available till New Year's! Then it's coming down. So go read it! I think it's good! I remember liking it! But I'm on narcotics.
May I also bring your attention to the stack of DVDs on the right. You might notice they are all the Harry Potters. I watch it every way I can.
The sis and I are beautiful creatures. Like we have some great genes. But we can also look horrible, given the proper circumstances. For instance, get us in good lighting, planets are aligned, cool, fb worthy post. Not: Holy fuck what the shit are those things. Pic on the right is a cropped image of the fam we took tonight. Don't they know we don't just post pics all willy nilly? It takes a shit ton of TLC before we're fb ready?
What am I going to do without Hallmark Christmas movies? I guess I better find another hobby.
The blob cookies on the left were actually made yesterday and were cut in shapes but turned out like that. Me and the sis made more, watched Hallmark movies, then Christmas Vacation, then had dinner with the fam, the opened presents because she has to work till 5 tomorrow, then watched Polar Express and fell asleep. It was magical.
It's surreal that it's Christmas. It's surreal that life didn't stand still. It's surreal that a month ago I was writing new stories. It's surreal that a month ago I only had a disease that would run it's course and be done. It's surreal that I found out I had cancer only a week before getting surgery. It's all just so surreal.
I don't much like it. No I don't.
Showered for the second time in my bikini while sitting on an ice chest as mom washed my hair and helped me bathe. While Cam laid in the bath tub fully clothed. Then sat in front of the fire to dry as we watched HGTV.
Allenites. Hello. Have been gone quite a while. Had surgery six days ago now. Can't believe it. On so many drugs can't really feel the passage of time. Everything is blurred together. I'll recount what I remember:
Woke up day of surgery to a bunch of alerts from the BFF, of course. Love her. Second pic is after surgery. Hooked up to oxygen, pulse monitor, IV.
Already zoned out. What was I talking about. Ree Drummond. On TV. Forget how to type. And focus. Lots of drugs.
Had to fast 12 hours so was dehydrated and couldn't get IV in. Tried many times, hurt, ended up having to get numbed, lots of bruises. End result. Stitches. Flowers and teddy from the bf. More info prob later. When less drugged.