I used to have a website dedicated to short stories I called silly shorts (because seriously; they're so silly), but I had another idea and took it in another direction then didn't like the direction I was going in and then just abandoned it and now it's not even published anymore. But those shorts are pretty great, and I'm actually in the process of making them into a book; a book I actually want to illustrate...so I'll have to figure out how that's going to get done. But there's about fifty or so and I don't think I'll be continuing it at all, but I don't know, maybe, but that's why I'm giving myself a lot of time before I embark on that adventure, since I'll think more about it AFTER all my other projects are done. And I have 6 more...so...it'll be a while. But anyway I'll post my first one tomorrow :)
And I just realized how perfect the timing is, it's like the Sunday Comics! Right? The comics come out on Sundays? No? I don't know, I don't read the newspaper. But maybe they do.
Well I got AYW's editing done, thanks to being stuck at the DMV for over four hours, and I've been updating my manuscript, rushing to order my proof before OKing it for the public, hurrying to crank out a hardcover, all with hopes that the free first edition hardcover coupon for Lulu would still work and it didn't. Frowny face. It's okay. MOPH was my biggest and would be my most expensive hardcover so at least it took care of that one. BUT, in other news, I don't know if it grew on me from all the long hours we spent together today or I just couldn't decide what was wrong with my new design, but I kept the original AYW cover. By the end of the day I ended up liking it more than the grey one, and I just couldn't get that one perfect, so it's okay. This one's been a hard one to get, MOPH came SO easy. This one not so much. All I did was make the quotes smaller. But anyway. Looking forward to it coming! The eBook converting, however...
It has been received. And of course I got a mocha. I can only have so much will power. But this little shitter is glorious. It is superhuman. Spectacular. It can simply be described as the Superman of books. Or Batman. Or whatever superhero is your personal favorite. Which should be Superman, but whatever. And it can probably deflect bullets and sustain other various injuries because it is a motherfucking hardcover.
I had to do a little photo shoot for it because it deserved one. It's just so beautiful. And I put it in the windowsill because with all the snow in the background it just looked so majestic.
So let's see, MOPH: You have been a mere Word Document for six years. And now you are in paperback, hardcover, and eBook form, available to the public. Yep. I am a proud mother.
Minor setback because the Victoria's Secret Swim Special was on, but I got to page 54 earlier and I'm like a third of the way through so this is going to be easy peasy. So I imagine I should be done by the end of the night, which is preferable because I'm hoping I can use the free hardcover code again! And it's not as bad as I thought it would be, reading it for the infinitieth time. Of course it wasn't. I write amazing shit.
I am such a lucky mama. Look at this little smooshy face I get to be with every day. Ugh, I just can't take it. She is a little angel. A crazy angel sometimes, but nonetheless an angel. This is the view I get from where I'm editing AYW. For the million gajillionth time. Alright, so maybe I'm stalling. Maybe I'm procrastinating. Maybe I'm just now noticing how beautiful life is because I don't want to read this story AGAIN. But it has to be done. And it's small, it shan't take more than today to edit. But I'm seriously you guys, I cannot tell you how many times I've read this. It has to be at least 5 years old. Shit. I don't want to think about it. I'll be okay. I can do this. Wish me luck.
...that is what I wish. HA if Westley were here he would say "As you wish." And. That. Would. Tie. In. Nicely--okay I'm going.
So the AYW cover worked on the computer I guess but now that I have the physical copy I don't like it so much. So I've been creating an entirely new design:
So instead of the cover being a page out of The Princess Bride I just took some key quotes. And made them look all floaty. So. I'm going to sit with this one for a while, see what happens, see if I get sick of it and need a change--oh my god a commercial for The Notebook is on TV right now I fucking love that movie. Rachel McAdams? Shit. We just watched About Time with her and some British kid and that movie is fucking great too. But where was I. Ah yes. This cover. We'll see how it goes. And then if I like it, do I make it an all around grey cover? Do I make the wraparound black? Maybe red? I don't know, I don't know things. But in other news I should be getting my hardcover on Saturday! That'll be totes cool. Where will I put it? Should I frame it? Pssh. Probably.
Here she is:
And she is gorge. Totes gorge. And it's snowing. And I didn't get a mocha from the Leasing Office espresso machine. Because I have self control. I mean I'm going to Mexico in 3 weeks. I can't be all flabby and fat and full of mochas in Mexico! Okay maybe the reason I didn't get a mocha was because the leasing lady scares me, and my boyfriend said once she's frowned upon us getting drinks there. But it says help yourself. And it's in the rec room. Which only people who live here go in. So I think it's all in his head and he's just scared of women. But anyway, back to my book: it's beautiful. The only thing I'm thinking is I might alter the cover a bit. I want the background words to be smaller. And I might add color somewhere. I don't know. We'll see. I have to digest it for a while. And there's bound to be typos so I'm going to go ahead and start reading. This one shouldn't take nearly as long as MOPH did, so that's exciting. And then the books just get shorter from there. So I have that to look forward to.
Well me and Celia ate some cake. And I might be feeling vulnerable. Today someone said my eyebrows are different. And then laughed about it for, like, ten seconds. Dick. Whatever, I have delicious cake. What do you have? Definitely not cake. Dick. I want chocolate.
Sigh. Interviews, am I right? I know I was just talking shit about jobs and applications and interviews or something, I don't really remember all the things I say, well I got a call back from Plato's Closet and after throwing a little fit I went to the interview and then after badmouthing them when they called it turned out they were asking me for a second interview so I went back and now here we are. They didn't hire me exactly, she had to talk to the owners, but still. Whatever. They probably won't hire me. I was way too nervous and my answers were dumb. I'm just going curl up in fetal position and eat cake.
Well it finally came! After three trips to the mailbox and Leasing Office and then three calls to the Post Office, then UPS. Oh and by the way, TIL the Post Office is NOT the UPS, knowledge provided by the lovely grumpy Post Office lady. Thank you lovely grumpy Post Office lady. (How am I supposed to know that? All I know is you guys fucking deliver mail, Jesus. I mean you have to be related in some way, one of them has to be a branch of the other, right? YOU BOTH DELIVER MAIL!) But this is it, the final proof. I'm going to OK it to be passed to other retailers and hopefully it's accepted. I don't know. We'll see. I'm still a little fuzzy on the whole thing. But now I get to buy my hardcover and be over this book! Forever! At least until they make it into a movie ;)
That's right. It's Waiting Game time. My book should be coming any day now, today or tomorrow, and I am getting a little antsy. I hate that I have to be so patient for everything to be perfect. It's no bueno. Patience just in general is the worst thing to have to go through. For instance, I bought my boyfriend two gifts for his birthday over a month ago and not only did I have to wait that whole month but I also have to wait through today and tomorrow, because he'll be opening them after dinner.
Son of a bitch.
So the interview was posted this morning and it was pretty cool :) hopefully it reaches some eyes and snares some people in my trap. But. In other unhappy news: You all know very well I've been fairly pissed off about agents and rejection letters and all that lovely shit. So, needless to say, I have had a fair share of the word "unfortunately." "Thanks for querying my agency, unfortunately..." And lately, I've been hunting for other jobs (because I have a fucking bachelor's degree, dude, I want more than $8 an hour please) and all I've been receiving is "Thanks for submitting your app, unfortunately..." SO me and that word have become quite familiar with each other. Now. I don't think I mentioned this, but in November I e-mailed a bunch of local agencies asking if they're looking for any volunteers or interns and all of them said no. Well last week I got an e-mail from an agency saying "Hey if you're still interested we need one now so apply" and I was like "Gladly" and I did, I poured my heart out, I told them this is the best thing that could happen to me, I love writing I would love to be in the business, let me tell you about all the authors I love, let me give one millions dollars when I finally earn it and my first born child, and this is the e-mail I get back:
"Dear Amelia -
Thanks so much for reaching out to us with your internship application. Unfortunately, we've decided to go with another applicant.
Oh...kay...that was oddly impersonal considering THE FUCKING ESSAY I WROTE YOU. Cool. No, it's cool, really, no, seriously, it's totally cool, I'm totally fine, it's whatever. It's not even that, that makes me so mad. Not really. It's the fact that not only is my shit not good enough to be published, not only am I personally not even good enough to work at mediocre jokes like Barnes & Noble, not only all of that, but I am also not good enough to offer my blood and soul for no pay. I will fucking shine your shoes with my spit, regurgitate my food for you, I will give you my first born baby and I even think I will like my babies, FOR FREE, but that's not good enough. Nothing's good enough. Of course I'm not good enough. It's fine. It's fine. Seriously. Whatever. It's fine.
It's a good thing I know I'm so fucking amazing otherwise I would be seriously depressed.
I just filled out an interview! There was a template on Book Reader Magazine's website and I filled it out and I guess it will be posted and needless to say everyone will fall in love with me and purchase everything I write because I. Am. A. Mazing. It's about time, anyway, am I right? But seriously. I have no idea. I guess it gets posted on their Facebook and people see it and shit. Which is exciting. I'll let you know when it's up. I'm so good at answering questions.
So I've spent a lot of time formatting my manuscript as an eBook but we'll see if it gets approved. I don't know what I'm doing. Here's the cool price though, which I love:
So I have ordered another proof of the newest edition (which I think we're on 6 now) with what little money I have (Lulu wouldn't let me use global reach without making sure everything was perfect), otherwise I would've just sent it out there and not bought any of my stuff until I had money :/ so it's on it's way. And then I can ok it. And I better ok it. Or it's just staying the way it is.
So. It's been a while, because I got my second print of MOPH and was having second thoughts. A) The font was still a little too big, so I went through and reformatted it to a smaller one, and B) I stared at the cover and felt depressed. Looking at it I realized I was not proud of it. It was not the best it could be. It looked cheap. It looked like I made it on Paint. So I went through a stage where I was going to just toss all my cover designs because they'll all just look like they were made in Paint, and I couldn't have that. I want people to be proud to have it on their shelves, I want to be proud to display it in my house. But. I remade the cover in a bigger size, so hopefully that solves that problem, and it's all reformatted to a smaller font size, so then there's also that. But I decided to read through the book just to see how perfect everything is and found a bunch of flaws. SO I have about 70 pages to go before everything is perfect. After that, I can order my new version, AND THEN if that's perfect and I love it THEN I can finally order my hardcover and be done with MOPH once and for all. Then it's on to AYW. But everything else should good more smoothly because I'll know what general size I need everything. But here's the new cover: