Health update time. I know I act all in control and aloof and nonpsychotic on the internet, but that's because it's easy. In real life, I have done the following since Friday:
1. Thought I was going to legitimately die.
2. Cried 100 times.
3. Thought I was going to legitimately die.
4. Made myself feel better by thinking about all the dead celebrities who have already done it and might be waiting for me (i.e. Audrey Hepburn, Marilyn Monroe).
5. Made myself feel better by remembering that if I did die at least I wouldn't be suffering anymore.
You may recall I have an autoimmune disease called Hashimoto's, which targets the thyroid. Well, since Friday, my thyroid has been swollen. Therefore, it has been choking me. I have spent every waking moment having to consciously take a breath. I have spent every night hoping I wake up in the morning. Suffered to Monday, since no docs are open on the weekend, and Rachel called and urgent care wouldn't be able to do anything for me; they would just send me to the ER, which wasn't in option . . . last ER visit, just to be discharged with nothing wrong with me, was $3,000+. So we get an appointment with Dr. Taylor, my primary physician in my hometown. We tell him everything. We tell him my thyroid's swollen and it's chocking me. I cannot, for the love of god and all of the fucking angels up there, breathe. He says nothing's wrong with me. I cry. Mom cries. He leaves us with a "Have a good day." We see my functional medicine doc today, he spends two and a half hours with us. He stretches my thyroid. Counts my breaths per minute. Is appalled by breaths per minute, as I'm panting. Teaches me breathing exercises. Takes me to abdomen therapy. Does acupuncture. Gives me an anti-inflammatory ointment and supplement. I get home. Take one dose. I am cured as I can fucking be. Skype bf. Cry for fifteen minutes for finally feeling like I'm not going to die.
PS Pay no attention to my ensemble. I was very sick. And anyway Spider-Man is an anytime kind of shirt. And fuzzy socks are an anytime kind of sock. Also Crocs.